@Phil - Short in bullet form
The Sisters - summary
- Introduce Alyce is a cold character who cares not for her surrounding
- She has forgotten the life she left behind
- Only thing the keeps to remind herself is a torn photo of her past
- In comes a new character a woman bathed in the light of the sun who offers Alyce proposal but instead angers Alyce
- Conflict
- as the conflict dies down and the victor is seen the other half of the photo appears
- revealing that the two knew each other and where close friends
- Alyce realizes her mistake and is able to be forgiven by 'the sun goddess' who then succumbs to her injuries
- end of short
Camera Shots I was thinking of:
- Establishing shot - wide angle showing the location of the 2 characters
- Panning shot - interior of mountain. room where Alyce is in. pan around Alyce
- Extreme closeup - Alyce (shoulder) - showing the moment a drop of rain hit her
- Shot from Alyce's shoulder looking up at her face as her eyes turn to face the window
- Wide angle - from behind Alyce showing her looking out the the window
- Closeup - goblet on table before and while being grabbed by Alyce
- Extreme closeup - Alyce (eyes) scouring the land
- Close up - broken photo frame on wall Alyce (full body) blurred behind it
- Shot - Alyce crouched over back to the window picking up the photo
- Close up - image in the photo
- Close up (slow zoom) - Alyce face as she begins to smile
- wide angle - opening hall. doors open wind blowing in
- Extreme Close up - Alyce eyes close
- Shot - behind Alyce squat level open door visible
- wide angle - single person in opening hall standing just after doors
- Shot - camera moves up the form of the person who just walked in
- wide angle - single person in opening hall standing just after doors
- Shot - fx hurtling at camera
- Tracing shot - sun goddess ducking blast
- Shot - Alyce walking from a dark corner magic enveloping hand(s)
- Shot - Over the shoulder behind the sun goddess Alice in sight ahead of her
- Establishing Shot - several loud explosions heard
- Wide angle shot - floor before and while the sun goddess slides in
- Shot - top of sun goddess' head in view but blurred. Alyce walks in magic hand raised
- Show - through the eyes of Alyce as she turns the sun goddess over to deliver finishing blow
- Close up - picture sun goddess was carrying
- Close up - Alyce face
- Overhead shot - Alyce collapses on the ground
- Close up - sun goddess face
- Pan shot (slow) - both women full bodies centred in scene sun goddess wiping tear from Alyce
- Wide angle - both women full bodies centred in scene sun goddess arm drop
- black no fades
- the sound of rain
I'm a bit confused temporally... this sounds like a creation myth or origin story - like how the sun and moon became separate or friends or whatever, but in this mystical, metaphorical setting etc you've got a 'torn photograph' - which jars because that feels contemporary and non-folkloric. This feels largely like a set-piece for some superhero-esque conflict and I'm not convinced if I'm being completely honest. The reason why I wanted you to bullet point is so I could 'see' the story - which I still can't.
ReplyDeleteIs this a story about how a (metaphorical) cold character comes to need/embrace her other (metaphorical) self (the sun character?). Are these characters symbolic, emblematic - and if so... so what? I don't get it really. It reads/sounds weird. This feels 'outside-in' - a series of shots, as opposed to a story. I think you need to go smaller and less generic (sun goddesses, magic powers...). Fresh stories come from humbler beginnings:
Tumo - respond in creative writing terms to the following prompts:
1) Your childhood fears: what scared you and why?
2) Describe your favourite toy or possession.
3) As a child, what did you worry about the most?
4) As a child, what excited you the most?
5) As a child, what was your biggest disappointment?
6) What would you do if you were granted 3 wishes?
Just go with me on this, Tumo - respond to the prompts above through writing. Write openly and honestly and see what comes - let the associations form and describe in as much visual detail as possible. It doesn't matter if you don't know why, just go with it. I look forward to seeing your responses on here soon! :)
Hey Phil,
Deleteyeah i don't think i can do a year long story on my childhood or kids in general. I lived quite the boring life as a kid.
However on the short story i had written. it was inspired by a memory i had of a story i was once told about a pair of islands. i searched and found that "the sisters" are two islands in the Philippines and that this is their story:
Legend tells of a poor widow who had two pretty daughters, Minah and Linah, who were very close to each other. After their mother died, the sisters left the village to live with a distant uncle.
One unfortunate day, Linah met a group of pirates while she was fetching water from a well near the sea. Frightened, she ran home while the pirate chief gave chase. At the uncle's home, the pirate brandished a dagger and made known his wish to marry Linah. That night, the two sisters wept bitterly in each other's arms. When dawn broke, the pirate chief and 16 of his men came to take Linah away. Clinging to each other, they were torn apart by the pirates and Linah was forced to leave with the pirates. Just then, the sky turned dark and a storm broke out. Desperate, Minah swam after the boat but drowned. On seeing this, Linah freed herself from her captors and jumped into the sea to join Minah.
The storm subsided but nowhere could the sisters be found. The next day, the villagers were shocked to see two islands at the spot where the two sisters had drowned.
The two tranquil islands, called Pulau Subar Laut and Pulau Subar Darat, was henceforth known as the Sisters' Islands. It was said that every year on that very day when the sisters turned into islands, there will always be storm and rain.
i had been thinking that i could place this text (somewhat edited before my short to give the needed context of my story as both stories are very similar. this would even give me a history and culture to work from for a design point of veiw.